Friday, March 6, 2009


Today I received a brief from opposing counsel. The first sentence read as follows:

" the Petitioner's Motion to Compel is now mute as it has been complied with."

The last sentence reads:

"Respondent's Attorney just wanted his recollection on the record as this point is now mute."

Now, first off, I just want to say that I know that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I am CERTAIN I have made stupid stupid typos and grammatical errors. I fully admit to discomfort with cliches and where/were and their/there. I read things I write quite a few extra times to make sure I don't say something lame. And, if you are a lawyer and are reading this - you probably have made typos too. (If you are lawyer you will also note that, he responded to a motion to just say that he wanted his recollection on the record. Oh sigh.) Sometimes we read our motions 50x before we file them and we'll still miss something. That happens! But, I try real hard to make sure I don't make even one mistake. I do it for the impression it leaves to opposing counsel, I do it for my client who entrusts me, I do it as a courtesy to the English language.

But, my hunch, is that this guy is charging his client a few hundred dollars an hour to end his sentences with a preposition and use the word MUTE instead of MOOT! MOOT! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. The lawyer cow is speaking...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. Oh, such a pet peeve of mine. I also love people who say that is INacceptable or IRregardless. These are not words people.

You know, let me just say one more thing about this "moot" issue. Remember this dialogue:
Joey:'s a moo point...
Rachel: mean a moot point....
Joey: no no, a moo point ... like a cows opinion, doesn't matter ... it's moo

I'm just sayin'. I suppose I am making a moot point, at the end of the day, I am not his client. But, it is so annoying to read. When people write something so flawed they should think of the bleeding, anal, OCD eyes that have to read it. They also should think that what they are is what they write. Moving on.

OK. I sort of did an EB "no no" today. I weighed myself. All this starving, all this exercise, the sore knees, the aching shoulder, the waking up at 4:45 a.m. Is it paying off? Brothers and sisters, I am sorry to say that it is not. I gained effing weight. GAINED. Gained. Yeah, not stayed the same, not lost. I GAINED. I'm angry and don't quite know where to place that anger. What I really want to do is share my pain with my friends Ben and Jerry. But alas, I cannot. If I gain while starving, imagine what a little bit of love from the tub of Cherry Garcia will do.

Irregardless, since I am apparently going to stay a COW, I am clearly making a moo point. My opinion doesn't matter. This is inacceptable. Time for me to be mute.


  1. I liked this one...
    BTW, Do you mean to infer that those who write recorded documents for a living should consider grammar refreshers? ;)

  2. OMG I am with you on the typos thing. That drives me nuts!! And you have to wonder if this lawyer even realizes there is a difference between "mute" and "moot". LOL

  3. Hilarious! Maybe he did mean "mute:" he was wishfully thinking he wants you to be "mute" b/c you are such an awesome litigator. And I feel for him b/c I have been criticized for my typos as of late.... :(