My knees hurt so bad that my skin hurts and my legs hurt, my face hurts. Do you get the idea? You know what, they don't hurt so much as ache, really really ache to my core. This weekend when I laid me down to rest - they ached, as I nodded off - they ached. Do you get the idea? OK. Now. Yesterday, I loaded up on Advil (per my father's - a doctor - advice). Every six hours. They felt a little better when I woke up this morning but mid-workout today. I literally couldn't get back down ONTO my mat and then I couldn't get UP from my mat. I kid you not. I cried. Frustration, pain. How did this happen?
You know, I cry fairly easily when I watch Love Story, Steel Magnolias, Terms of Endearment, La Bamba (yes, I know he is going to die), a Hallmark commercial, Oprah, watching my kids grow up, cooking dinner without burning it. But, pain does not make me cry. I suck it up for the most part. Post c-section - I didn't cry. Even without Percocet. Tonsillectomy, nose job. No crying. Stubbing my toe...a little crying because that hurts. Today, I ached.
And DI-Size0. God bless her. She was really nice. Told me to get a sip of water and pull it together. She talked to me - checked out my knees. I wasn't sobbing, leaking more than anything, but I am definitely frustrated because I CAN DO WHAT THEY ARE TELLING US TO DO. I am physically capable to sprint, run, jog, squat, lunge BUT FOR MY KNEES! In fact, I got a little bit of a sprint on prior to my knees exploding. I don't get as winded as I first did. I could seriously be IMPROVING, but for, my knees. They ache to my core. Have I said that already?
Anyhow, ice, ant-inflammatories, patience. I have no patience. I want to lose the weight NOW (Cheesecake Factory Saturday night - did not help!). I want to lose weight because my knees will feel better. Yes, yes, I want to lose inches. YEAH! Inches. Inches, screw the inches. I want the pounds to FLY OFF! Because the WEIGHT is what is making my knees hurt and probably everything else hurt. I am being whiny. Sorry. Oh sigh! SIGH. SIGH!
This morning Sarah Jessica Parker was teaching the word SIGH on Sesame Street. Her sigh annoyed me. That's not a sigh. Lame. A chick who can fit into the clothes she fits into, is married to cutie Ferris Bueller, and is pulling in royalties from Sex in the City til she dies...DOES NOT NEED TO SIGH FOR NOTHING! Even as she pulls off Manolos from her aching feet at midnight after a night on the town with Ferris...she shouldn't sigh. Sorry, SJP, I like you mostly, but you know, not today with all your sighing. You are very talented just not at SIGHING!
Personally, if I was casting Sesame Street and I needed the perfect person to demonstrate sighing it would be someone like Mia Farrow, not SJP. Woody, a fairly irritating individual, bails and marries HER daugther Soon-Yi Frumpy. Raising 700 kids on her own, has she acted lately? Anyhow, I have to give Sesame Street props for their choice of David Beckham for PERSISTENCE. All is well. Moving on.
And, so now, with ice on my knees, I am just sort of hoping for an improvement here. I can't be crying like a sissy girl at EB. It is humiliating. Who am I? I probably would have understood if DI-Size0 said "honey, move your fat ass that ate cheesecake (and wine, a martini, Chinese food, etc. etc.) or I'll give you something to cry about." But she didn't. Thank you DI.
I will get through this. I will get through this. I will get through this.
Visualization: I fully intend to cry in six months, four sessions from now, as I watch the new boot campers catch their stride, do full push ups, lunge until their knees touch the ground, and complete their first six weeks. Now, that's something to cry about.