Respect your Feet, Respect my Eyes

There are so many things to be upset about in the world: the California Budget Crisis, Missile Testing in Iran, the Mexican Drug Cartel, Kate and Jon, and of course, swine flu. But, let's get serious here, what's with people wearing ugly shoes? I don't get it.

The reason I am here writing about this right now (other than it is very important to me to examine this issue) is because I was just procrastinating by creating a "How well do you know me?" quiz on Facebook and one of my questions is: What shoes do I hate the most? I almost couldn't choose between 4 of them. I had to put an easy one on there that my friends could immediately cross off because I love Rainbows. I own like 4. The other four choices I provided were: TEVAS, CROCS, BIRKS, and Greek-Inspired Sandals.

I would like to comment on all these choices before I tell you what I hate the most.

As to Tevas, Crocs, and Birks, I am sorry but the argument that comfort is necessary and bla bla just DOES NOT WORK here. I wear "comfortable shoes" about 98% of the time and they don't make me look like a dillhole. There are perfectly acceptable cute tennis shoes that are very comfortable. Oh, your foot is HOT, you don't want to wear tennis shoes. OK. Buy flip flops...Rainbows, Havainas or buy something like this. Awesome. Why Tevas and Birks? Don't you see how unflattering they are to your feet? Don't you see that they take a potentially cute outfit and make it UGLY. Don't you see the horrible things that it does to the length of your leg? There is just nothing good about them. Stop it. I cringe. CRINGE. JUST. THINKING. ABOUT. TEVAS! BLECK.

There are a small population of people who will say that Tevas are the only acceptable option when doing things like tidepooling or hiking. I say NO! They aren't. There are other cuter options for waterproof footwear (including your bare feet! - embrace your inner Blue Lagoon) and hiking footwear.

Now, my friends in high school will comment that I wore Birkenstocks. What an ill decision I made? My father told me 100 times how ugly they were. He'd tell me that they made "my foot" ugly. Singular, not plural, even though I have two feet. He is Arab. Cut him a break. Anyhow, they do, indeed make your foot ugly and your feet ugly. I have to blame Birks on peer pressure. Everyone at my high school had them. They were so cool. Even at the $80 price tag, I managed to convince my mother to buy me black ones and then tan ones. Bleck. I curse the day. What's worse...I was sooo jealous of Missy (who wouldn't even acknowledge my existence) because she had several colors in her possession - purple, blue, etc. The one time I wore Birks to school - I got detention. Even the Catholic High School I went to wanted to stop the spread of this fashion nightmare. Just stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Crocs are a recent ugly shoe in the ugly shoe phenomenon. I won't buy them. Sorry. I won't try them on. The funny thing about Crocs is I think they are trying to make "cuter" Crocs but they aren't cute...they are still ugly. Like this, and this, and God forbid these. Yep, all ugly. All not flattering. Buy Havainas or something else like the very classic Rainbow ! Please, for the love of all that is good and Holy - DON'T WEAR CROCS. If you do, don't wear them when I see you. It hurts my heart.

In terms of this Greek/Gladiator thing, I just don't like it but of all the listed options - Tevas, Crocs, Birks - I would wear these gladiator type shoes next (if forced by hot Greek men). I am Greek and I have to pay my respects to my forefathers. But in all honesty, them shoes are ugly. Only, maybe, Angelina Jolie, could pull them off and even then Brad would be like, "sweetie, you are hot and you've born 3 of my kids and made me adopt many others but those shoes are not cute on your lovely feet." Got it?

So...in the multiple choice...what do I hate most.

Tevas. Don't make me see them on your foot. I won't hide my disgust just to be "polite". There is no "polite" when Tevas are involved. Respect your feet. Respect my eyes.