You can take that Vaporizer and Stick it in Your...

My Jojo had been progressively getting sicker and sicker since last Thursday. He had this watery eye thing happening that I dismissed as allergies or maybe he was catching Lulo's special pinkeye from last week. He had a runny nose, that I dismissed as allergies. The sniffles in this house are NO BIG DEAL. It's like a poopy diaper. It happens. He has had the sniffles on and off for a month. Dr. Sears says that means the kid probably has allergies. OK.

Anyhow, no fever, no panic here.

I'd like to say this kind of attitude comes from having three kids and being a well worn Mom. That is a crock. I totally worry the whole time. The reason I have this attitude is because I would rather get dental work done than go to the damn pediatrician's office. It is not because I do not like the kids' pediatricians. In fact, I REALLY like them. But they are in a practice so on a sick visit you typically end up seeing one of the other winners at the practice. OK, that is fine. They can likely quickly diagnose a runny nose. However, all I have heard now for the better part of 3 years is something along the lines of:

"Oh, if they don't have a fever it is not recommended to give them any kind of antihistamine. You should use a vaporizer and come back in a week to ten days if you don't see improvement."

So, I pay a co-pay and wait in their petri dish of a waiting room for upwards of an hour to get a prescription of a VAPORIZER.

And this is what I have to say about that: FUCK THAT! So effing tired of the VAPORIZER I want to effing scream. I want to pummel. I want to rant and rave. I HAVE USED THE VAPORIZER EVERY SINGLE TIME ONE OF MY KIDS WAS SICK. And you know what? It doesn't do shit or shinola. It makes my walls wet. Yep. That's it. And the only reason I use it is so I can tell the damn docs (with a straight face) that I tried that already.

I have a big problem with doctors and how little they do for sick kids. They don't recommend anything anymore. Saline spray doesn't make my kid feel better. I squirt, I suck, they cry. Nothing.

You know what makes kids feel better: MEDICINE. I am all for the old school docs like my Dad who prescribe some heavy stuff to kids so that they'll feel better. I am all for the days of prescribing antibiotics a bit more freely so that if IT IS INDEED BACTERIAL the kid will get better. Let's not let the kids be really sick for 2 weeks thinking it MIGHT BE VIRAL. My Dad would give us antibiotics like it was water. I am fine. I can take TONS OF THEM and still feel better. I haven't built up any kind of resistance to them. And you know what, I know about the super powers of these mutant bacteria. I am not saying drug the kids up every five minutes...BUT I WANT SOLUTIONS fast. If I have one sick kid, I usually have 3. Fix it. Make it normal again.

Don't make me go on the internet and find the proper dosage of Benadryl. Just tell me DOCTORS. I won't sue you if my kid felt better. Damn. I know they won't get better any faster BUT THEY FEEL BETTER. LESS AWFUL. Don't adults take something when they feel poopy even though they don't get better any faster? Yes, I get that there are some special people in the world who say things like "if one teaspoon works, then 3 will work better" or "maybe a little bit of this will knock you out for a few hours so I can go clubbing". Yeah, that's not ME!

And this brings me to my next point, I love my Daddy. For some stupid reason, I resist asking my Daddy for medical stuff for my kids because he is so old school, but any time he has advised me, he has been right, my kids haven't died, and they have felt better within 24 hours. The last time Lulo was sick, I skipped going to the Vaporizer Stockholders Committee and asked my Dad what he should take. My Dad had seen Lulo the day before. Lulo was better in 24 hours.

When I went to the substitute pediatrician yesterday, I was giving her the history of Jujo's ailment and she interrupted to go do something else AFTER HAVING ALREADY WAITED ONE HOUR IN THE WAITING ROOM with my kid who had a 101.9 temp. Then, she ignored what I said.

Then, she didn't have her ear wax scraper which she looked for for FIVE MINUTES while I am sitting and calming a WAILING Jojo because she had peered in his ear already and determined she didn't have her ear wax scraper thingie handy.

So, as she walks in the room with a scraper I overhear her telling the nurse:

"I don't like this kind. I am not comfortable using it." She approaches my kid.

I say: "If you aren't comfortable using that, then don't stick in my kid's ear."

She says: "You seem perturbed."

Yes, I am perturbed. CAN WE MOVE ON HERE?

Anyhow, his throat is totally infected. But she prescribes him antibiotics NOT FOR THE THROAT but the potential sinus infection. The throat, she believes, is viral. She says it may linger a few days and to use a VAPORIZER and make an appointment if his fever is not down by Saturday.

Jojo felt better 3 hours after he took the antibiotic. Today, he was his old self. God bless old school antibiotics.